§ 01 · Berth · Outbound · The $500 written audit · 3–5 days
A senior
diagnosis. Before
you spend a cent on a build.
Five hundred dollars. A 5-minute Loom plus a written plan — what’s costing you organic leads, what your competitors are doing that you’re not, and the keyword thesis we’d build against. No sales call dressed up as a “discovery session.” If you hire us afterward, the $500 comes off the build.
Request the manifest · $500 fixed
3–5 business days · Credited in full toward any build (90 days) · Yours to keep either way
Deliverable · One Loom · One document · Yours to keep
What ships in the audit packet.
- 01~5-min Loom walkthrough · senior strategist✓ STD.
- 02Competitor scorecard · who’s outranking you✓ STD.
- 0330–60 keyword thesis · scored & ranked✓ STD.
- 04Technical short list · effort × impact✓ STD.
- 05Week-one plan · what we’d ship · costed✓ STD.
- 06“Areas of opportunity” euphemismsrefused
DELIV-
ERABLE Ships 3–5 days
From the last batch of audits
What a $500 audit typically finds.
Four real anonymized findings we surface again and again on Tampa Bay sites. Each one has a known fix effort and a known ranking impact. The audit names the top ten in yours, prioritized.
Keyword cannibalization
Two pages on your site are competing for the same query — Google can’t pick which to rank. Consolidate one, redirect the other, watch the rank consolidate too.
NAP inconsistency
Your name/address/phone disagrees across the site, GBP, and 14 citation directories. The local algorithm reads this as “two businesses” and trusts neither.
Core Web Vitals — image bloat
Hero images shipped at 3–5MB. The LCP fails on 4G. Compress, convert to WebP/AVIF, lazy-load below the fold. One afternoon of work, sitewide Core Web Vitals pass.
Schema markup gap
No LocalBusiness, Service, or FAQ schema. The SERP entry has no rich features. Add the right schema types and the click-through rate climbs because the listing finally signals what you do.
§ 02 · Berth · The Haul · Five things, one Loom, one document
Five things. One Loom. One document.
Not a 40-page PDF you’ll never read. The few things that actually decide whether the site is the bottleneck — and what to do about it.
The honest diagnosis
Senior walkthrough · plain English
- A senior strategist walks your site out loud, the way a prospect would
- Says what’s costing you the click and the call
- No “areas of opportunity” euphemisms — if the home page doesn’t say what you do, we say so
~5 minutes · the part most agencies skip
Where you stand vs. competitors
Page-count + keyword-gap scorecard
- Your page count vs. the competitors stealing your map pack — usually the whole story
- Which keywords they rank for that you don’t
- Which of those gaps are actually worth chasing
The one comparison that matters
The keyword thesis
30–60 highest-leverage searches
- The 30–60 searches your buyers actually make
- Scored on volume · intent · difficulty · topical fit
- Cluster shape we’d build around them — pillars + spokes
The spine of any build that follows
The technical short list
Ranked by impact, not by how long the list is
- Speed · mobile · indexation · schema · the obvious crawl problems
- Ranked by how much they’re actually hurting you
- What your developer can fix this week without us
Effort × impact pairs · no padding
The week-one plan
If we built · what we’d ship in week 1 · costed
- Exactly what we’d ship in the first week of a build
- What it would cost — so you choose with numbers in front of you
- If we wouldn’t recommend a build, we say so — and what would have to change first
Choose with numbers · not promises
$500, fixed. 3–5 business days. Yours to keep — and credited toward any build, no expiry games.
§ 03 · Berth · The Position · Why the audit costs $500
Most “free audits” are sales calls with a slide deck.
This one is a deliverable.
We charge $500 for the audit on purpose. A free audit is a lead magnet — it exists to get you on a call, and the work in it is calibrated accordingly. A $500 audit is a piece of work someone has to actually do well, because you paid for it and you can take it anywhere.
It’s also a filter. The businesses worth our time will spend $500 to find out the truth about their site. The ones looking for free advice to never act on aren’t our buyer anyway. So the price isn’t a barrier — it’s the thing that makes the audit honest.
And it’s risk-free in the way that matters: if you build with us, it costs you nothing — the $500 comes straight off the build. If you don’t, you’ve got a senior strategist’s written plan for less than an hour of one. Take it to your in-house developer; we’d rather lose the build than sell you one that won’t work.
§ 05 · Berth · Marginalia · Reasonable questions before you book
Reasonable questions.
FAQ · 01
What’s the difference between this and the free 5-minute audit?
The free one is a quick gut-check Loom — what jumps out in five minutes. The $500 audit is the real thing: competitor analysis, a scored 30–60 keyword thesis, the cluster shape, a ranked technical list, and a costed week-one plan — written down, yours to keep. Start with the free one if you’re not sure; upgrade if it confirms there’s a real problem worth solving.
Free vs. paid · two different objects entirely
FAQ · 02
Is the $500 really credited if I build with you?
Yes — fully, off any build (web design or authority sites), no expiry games, no fine print. The audit is the front door to a build, not a separate profit center. We just won’t give the diagnosis away, because free work is calibrated like free work.
Credit · honest · no games
FAQ · 03
Can I take the plan to my own developer?
Of course. You paid for it; it’s yours. The keyword thesis, the cluster shape, the technical list — hand it to anyone. We’d obviously rather build it with you, but the audit stands on its own.
Ownership · yours to keep
FAQ · 04
What if you decide a build isn’t worth it for us?
We’ll tell you, and we’ll tell you why — and what would have to be true before it made sense. Pre-revenue businesses, no clear search-driven buyer, real problem isn’t the website: we’d rather lose the build than sell you one that won’t work. The audit still gives you a straight read on where you stand.
Honest no’s · what makes the audit different
FAQ · 05
How long does it take? And how do you start?
Three to five business days from the moment we have your URL and a sentence on what you’re trying to figure out. If you need it faster for a specific reason, say so on email — we’ll tell you if we can. Start by sending your URL via the form below or to support@misspepper.ai. A senior person reads it and replies within a business day to confirm scope and kick the audit off.
SLA · 3–5 business days · usually faster
Berth · 06
Find out if the site is actually the problem.
$500, fixed. 3–5 business days. A Loom plus a written plan you keep. Credited in full if you build with us — and we’ll tell you straight if you shouldn’t. No call required, no follow-up sequence.
- Senior strategist Loom (~5 min) + written audit packet
- 30–60 keyword thesis · scored & ranked
- Competitor scorecard · technical short list · week-one plan
- $500 fixed · refundable in full against any build (90 days)
- Yours to keep · take it anywhere
Tampa, FL · Also working in: Orlando · Jacksonville · Miami · St. Petersburg
§ 07 · Berth · Send it over · Book the audit
Send us your URL. We’ll book the audit by return email.
URL, industry, metro, and what you’re trying to figure out — that’s enough. A senior person reads it and confirms scope within a business day. Prefer plain email? support@misspepper.ai reaches the same inbox; or call 844-202-6410.
We confirm receipt within one business day · often same day